morning head: No “u” in Qantas

It’s seventeen minutes past five in the morning, precisely an hour and twenty six minutes since the diminutive ruler of my existence woke up and decided he wanted some strawberries. As it turns out, on this particular occasion this was not an especially painful time to get up. After all, in what appears to be becoming a pattern, I crashed out at 6:30pm last night whilst putting afore-mentioned dictator to bed.

It’s a testament, perhaps, to the capacity of the human species for delusion. Here I’ve been thinking that the three-day clusterfuck of cancelled flights, missed connections, and slightly cranky (though nevertheless apologetic) CuntasTM 1 staff, hadn’t really resulted in a bad case of the jetlags, and yet the moment I’m anything but rigidly upright and moving, I’m asleep.

Similarly, I had apparently managed to convince myself that three weeks of spontaneity and relaxation might translate into a degree of mental/emotional refreshment that’d allow me to actually squeeze any of the mountain of extra-curricular activities on my to-do list into the schedule. Not so. Though perhaps this has something to do with the travel-induced narcolepsy.

I am beginning to wonder if there was a chapter missing from my copy of the parenting user manual, or if previous generations have been complicit in a great conspiracy. People seem to manage to get things other than child-rearing and day-jobs done, with little more ill-effect than bags under the eyes and a mild case of accelerated ageing.

Where are they getting the pills? You know, the ones that allow them to function on mere minutes of sleep. If youthful misadventure is anything to go by, they’re not taking amphetamines. Or if they are, amphetamine production has apparently moved on from the apocalyptic, face-chewing lunacy of my youth.

Can someone write me a prescription?

At any rate, the despot got his strawberries, and I got an extra hour before work to waste writing about the lack of extra hours I have to get anything done.

1 – Is there a “u” in Qantas? No. Is Qatar pronounced “kwutar”? No. Well, there you go then.